I have never felt so alienated.
The truth is I pictured myself as an understanding and selfless person, as someone who would be able to understand someone else’s dire situation, and wouldn’t mind a bit of a sacrifice on my part. I know I am not the only one finding out through real life experience that who I really am is completely different from who I thought I was.
I wonder if it was because I kept feeling inadequate, so the fact that even though it has been nearly a year, I have not been made a part of his life at all, is really crushing. I have seen no friends, I have met no parents. Somehow, I promised myself that I would grow up, and I would no longer be the kid standing alone, looking over with envy at the other kids who are having so much fun hanging out with one another. What’s wrong with me? How have I ended up in this situation once again? Since when have I started allowing my heart to jump or fall at the mercy of someone else’s actions?
It was my decision to accept this situation, but it’s also my tears that I can’t stop now. I just wanted to be that understanding girl, who could see that you’re struggling, and wouldn’t mind sacrificing a bit…
But I feel as if I wasn’t born for his world, I would never become a part of it, and if I tried, I would never fit in. I haven’t even had an opportunity to try, but I already feel so far away. I can’t reach no matter how much I try, and it’s a painful realisation.
the forgotten one 
You once told me, if it hurt so much to be with him, then many leaving him would be the better choice. Loneliness is cruel, and insecurities are crushing.
Wish I was there for you.
I still think that way. Sometimes when it hurts, it hurts to the point that I would clutch my chest for some reason. But even without him, the pain will still come. The feeling of alienation is one that my own self has made me feel, don’t you think? He tries so much to help me, and I think he was hurt too… If eventually it hurts too much, even if I want to hold on to all the loved ones in my life, I will one day no longer be entitled to do so anymore. For now, I’m still trying… because I think he’s still trying too.